"Burnt lungs, sour taste"

Have you heard of a song named "The A-team" by Ed Sheeran? It's a nice song with a decent rhythm and yet it holds a deep, dark meaning hidden in between lines. It's mainly about a girl that is addicted to class A drugs and she does anything she could to get her hands on drugs. I believe that's her only way to escape reality, a short getaway from the cold world we live in. And as she turn to these artificial manner of temporary happiness, she walks along the path of self destruction without regrets of any sort for she has lost her will to stay alive and she just creeps by, day by day. I guess this song would describe my life to a certain degree after replacing the class A drugs with cigarettes. Some people enjoy smoking, some smoke due to the addiction to nicotine and there's some others that smoke for the fun of it. But I don't belong to any of the above for I smoke as an act of self destruction with hopes that each stick I take would take my life away, bit by bit, till I wither and die a lonely, ugly death. And don't get me wrong, I'm not addicted to nicotine at all, I can live on without smoking for a long period of time and I wouldn't feel a thing. Some friends of mine often bombard me with questions like , "Why would you want to die so badly?" "Why do you have these negative thoughts running in your mind?" Well, I don't necessarily seek death that badly, just that I'm not that keen on keeping my life either. I believe that if I were to die, I would. What's there to look forward to in life? It's just another rat race and people run around circles, never knowing their purpose in life. Maybe deep down, I'm just waiting for someone to save me from my old ways but no one ever did and I don't think anyone would.