This explains why I have been stuffing myself with food lately. But oh well, I don't think there's any problems in doing so. So I'll continue on with that like how Patrick does it ;)

Nobody knows I'm all alone,
Am I that good in masking my real emotions?
No one has ever said to me , "I'll be there for you , through thin or thick , over the mountain or sea."
No one has ever made an effort to know me better, to care about my feelings.
Humans are such selfish creatures in nature.

Sometimes , I force a smile on my face and willingly do what other wants so that they would feel appreciated and happy , sometimes even sacrifices , and keep all my deep feelings locked up inside .
But , I know it's all worth it as long as I see smiles on peoples' faces.
But they don't know I need a smile in return too.
To be honest , I'm not your typical driver , I'm not your typical joker , I'm definitely not your friends with benefits.
Sometimes , I contemplate whether to tell people how I feel , but somehow , my heart always comes up with an excuse not to .
I may be the one laughing the loudest , I may be the one making jokes, I may the most talkative one, but those are just steps I take to avoid being neglected.
Over and over again , my friends would just neglect me and take me for granted.
It makes me feel diminished , insignificant .

When I feel neglected , I flee , I hide , I run , I turn mad , I start to question myself. From then , misunderstanding arises . "Conflicts starts from misunderstandings. When we think that our friends’ changed or we’ve been replaced. When you have a longterm friendship, you or your friend will expect more from you. They want to know more about you but if you told everything to them they will be bored. " By then , you wouldn't even know where I am and don't bother searching cause I'll never be found.

These days , I've been pondering over the existence of people around me. Or perhaps people that i call 'friends' or maybe 'close friends' in my journey or life. There's genuine, fakes , liars , heart breakers and etc. Sometimes , i pull away from friends due to certain aspects and build up walls to see if anyone is willing to tear them down. But no one would , no one would bother about me.

"I lost high school friends and then… best friends turn into friends and soon enough you’re calling them acquaintances… and soon enough, it’s just you." Yes you, stranger over there.

“There is always a reason.
Tear my heart out and throw it on the ground.
But please dont ever let me hear the sound,
Of those words coming out of your mouth again.
I thought that you were always my friend.
After things said, and things done,
I feel like i should regret a ton.
We used to laugh and share secrets,
But now the space between us is filled with regrets.
No one to talk to when i’m sad.
no one to talk to about the day i had.
But things always happen for a reason, right?
i guess thats why we got into this fight…”
— Pandylikespoems: Always a reason

If only i could turn back the hands on the clock , literally , to rewind time.
I am that insecure , fickle minded , sensitive teenager and you should've known better.
They say , promises are lies with a ribbon tied onto it, perhaps , it is.
I'm sorry that I've promised that I'll never ever be mad at you, i guess i was wrong, i was being ignorant , hoping that we'll never get into a major fight.
But who knew, a misunderstanding due to my insecurity would cause such a huge mess?
Maybe , it's true that relationships are bound to break , maybe it's time to take a breather , to know each other better.
But i can't . Like humans , I'm an insecure , possessive , territorial creature.
When i find out that I'm not a part of something , I'll escape , I'll flee. I'll hide away from the group. They say , trust takes years to build and seconds to break . I'm just surprised that the 2nd major fight would come so soon. I still remember the first fight we had in form 4 , which i was left there , hanging, to fend for myself , fighting my insecurities with the hope that everything will be fine. To be frank , that bothered me for quite a while . Actually , every fight we got in , it bothers me a lot . But , this time around, I'm growing immune to those feelings , practice makes perfect? This shows how distant we've grown , it's like we're heading for a downfall.
But i still refuse to accept the fact , i would still wanna be that ignorant , careful friend of yours . I miss those late night strolls around town , i miss those stupids things we do all day. I miss everything we had. I can't bare to let it vanish due to a stupid fight we got in, it's not worth it. Remember the times we spent? I hope you still do.





Like the candle you burnt out , I'm bound to wither off your life, but I'll still be there waiting for you , hoping that things would come around.
I miss you , best friend .

As a rhythm starts playing , my sub conscious starts to drift away , leaving an exterior behind as the song rummage through my deepest emotions.
Sometimes , i feel pain , the agony , sadness , madness as emotions take the best of me.
But there are times that , i feel ecstatic , i feel joyful , hopeful and a huge sense of relieve.
Just pluck in your earphones , and let the rhythm lead you somewhere , far far away.