Frankly speaking , i don't even know why am i still alive, i mean, how could i still possibly be alive after going through a series of near death experience?

Okay , that was the fact being amplified a few times , in other words , i was exaggerating .

So , today i volunteered to attend a youth event as a facilitator . I could've said no but my brain kinda went doofus and i said yes instead.

Thus resulting in me, obliged to do as promised .

I daresay this would be one of the craziest decisions i ever made .

The day started off with me waking up at 5a.m.

Yes , I did woke up at 5a.m. but the world wouldn't end even though i did so let's move on.

I reached the gathering place at 6a.m. since i received special orders to do so a night before.

And oh my , how shocked i was to see a pretty empty crowd. I mean , why should i be surprised ? Being a typical Malaysian myself , i should've saw that coming.

And so , after a short briefing and all , we left for Metropolitan Park in Kepong , a short journey from the gathering place.

And here comes the speed demon.

I was driving at 120km/h on a highway with cars .

It might seem normal to people that's been driving for years but hey , i just got my license in January and i'm speeding in February. That's pretty crazy isn't it?

Damn, i'm losing interest in blogging now, so i'll cut all the crap.

Albeit having an empty stomach , i managed to pull it through for a few hours. But damn, i was on the verge of collapsing to the ground, i swear.

I was so hungry and i was being char-grilled under the scorching sun.

Trust me, it ain't no ordinary tan. The sun was like a vacuum , draining every bit of water that's left in me.

And please don't start with 'Are you on a diet?' Nope, i'm not on a diet . I didn't plan to skip it but i was forced to due to some circumstances.

Anyway , i was in charge of 2 stations and the 1st station was one hell of a nightmare.

I got countless bruises and cuts without me acknowledging . It adds to the collection of 'where the hell did these bruises and cuts came from list'. Wonderful much?

The participants were supposed to slide down flysheets on a slippery slope while planting flags at both sides.

Soon, the rafia string that was used to tie the flysheets together broke due to the weight of the participants. Joking, but i wasn't joking about the rafia strings.

So we as the facilitators of the station had to endure hardship and hold the flysheets intact.

And this would be the perfect timing to cue the song 'the climb by miley cyrus' cause that was one hell of a uphill battle , we had to climb up and down to ensure the flysheets are in place.

And taadaa, i think there was where i got most of my cuts and bruises since the place is filled with plants with small tiny thorns. Ouch.

The cuts are still visible and my friends might think i got abused at home or something . FML.

*This is it. I'm too lazy to blog and i shall end with the conclusion*

Overall , i think it was pretty fun and it was a great workout. I totally lost count the amount of calories i've burnt today. So, i might volunteer again if i went cuckoo the next time . Okay, who am i kidding? Obviously i would prefer sleeping at home , so let's just leave it that way.

What would you do if you were trapped six feet under , not in your grave but in a cave?
Personally , i don't think that's wise and i couldn't bring myself to imagine getting lost in a cave with nothing to hold on to nothing but a castrophobic self .
I could barely even trust myself .
That brings me back to the movie i watched recently , Sanctum .

To be frank , i never thought of watching that movie as the name of the movie sounds absolutely boring . Sanctum?! Are we gonna learn about religion or something? Cause as far as my level of understanding could bring me , sanctum means a sacred or holy place , free from intrusion . Other than that , the poster don't seem appealing with only 2 shades of color , black and blue with lots of words all over it.
But oh boy, how was i wrong.
That movie blew me away . It literally brought me on an emotional roller coaster ride and left me breathless with mixed emotions.
It got me praying in my seat , i was praying for the actors in my seat while watching a movie , could you believe that?!Cause i can't seem to fathom what was i doing as it was too intense to a point which i wouldn't believe it's based on a true story , ain't no fiction .
It made me question , how lucky am i to be living in civilization , to be living with my loved ones , to be enjoying my life , to cherish whatever i'm holding on to and it provokes things that you believe in.
As an example,would you assist a suicide if it's to save a person from much torment? If you're in a right mind , you would definitely say no . But it did happen in the movie , not only once but twice.
Apart from the great storyline and ups and downs in the plot , there was a huge let down in the movie .
I'm never a fan of gory stuff and never will be , the fact that they have to show each and every dead body just scares me and leave me gasping for air with hands covering my eye and constantly taking a glimpse or two. I mean , i would rather watch a bouncing inflated balloon than a floating inflated corpse . Wait , not A floating inflated corpse , i swear there were more than 3 corpses .
In a nutshell , Sanctum is movie with a great plot , great storyline , but i wouldn't watch it twice. It's too gory for my liking and it's just my 2 cents opinion though .

I thought i was fine all along ,
I thought i was so high up , with no room for failures, no room for mistakes , no point to fall .
But at this point in life , it just fell apart , everything is a lie to me. Every damn thing.
Everything, even my sanity is betraying me.
Life has taken a toll on me ,
How naive of me to believe that i'm already numb to the heartbreaks , be it friends or family.
Although i try so hard to ignore the feeling deep inside , i'm actually hurting , bit by bit and it's accumulated to an extend that i couldn't handle .
To an extend that my wounds would make me tear once in awhile .
I tend to convince myself that everything is fine , everything is real , everyone is there for me , every damn thing is meant to be .
To realize that i was living a world full of lies , along with a heart full of plasters and scars.
I would love to put the blame on everyone , on everyone that made me feel so screwed up .
But i can't , cause i'm that non existent person on earth , the one which no one cares about , the one that's left to die .

Why am i so gullible ?
Why do i always strive to please other even though i know i would end up wounded, with more scars to add to the collection?
Why do i let my decisions go when ...

This shows how fragile and fickle i am, inside out. I please people , to present myself as a better friend where as i silently endure the hardship .
I would love to stand up for myself, but that would risk resulting in a bad impression of me.
I can't do that , i just can't. My personality forbids me from doing so.
So i just take it in, every little bit of me is pushed to the limit to withstand the amount of tolerance i could take in.

Too numb of tolerating , i'm bleeding instead.