I deem myself someone with a high level of endurance and patience.
But definitely not in road trips.
I can barely stand being confined to this small rectangular box called 'car' .
All i could do is just sit up straight and do nothing.
How fun is that?
And imagine going through 2 hours confined to this space.
The terror and horror .
Wait, that's not about to end !
Cause i would have to endure another 2 hours to get back to where i came from !
So it's 4 hours in total.
This does sounds ridiculous . Doesn't it?

I took chances, chances to delete you all off my life.
You don't seem to notice the torment i go through don't you?
Sometimes i even wonder why do i bother about what happened.
Yes, you guys indeed have the liberty to be mad at me just because i ditched you guys.
Because, deep within, i thought i knew you guys long enough .
Long enough , to know you wouldn't get mad at me for this small matter.
But guess i was wrong.
Very wrong indeed.
It's history now, and i know nothing will fall back into pieces.
I'll be just walk out of this high school dream and hope that nothing will affect me no more.
High school has been really a pain in the ass , maybe i don't even know what to feel anymore.
Doubts?

Okay , i back-spaced my essay long thoughts about my relationship between me and my friends. Cause the things i typed portrays me as someone weak , and i'm pretty much done with that. I used to seek solace in my friends, and still do , but the trust isn't there anymore.I feel like withdrawing right now, pulling out from cliques and society . The day came when the risk to bloom was more painful to remain as a bud. Perhaps , to be and live like a castaway. I do notice that i make a big fuss over small little things , and it's because i'm still insecure. To you, maybe i'm much of a spoilt brat inside but the least you could do is keep your own opinion to yourself. And that, would be much appreciated.
Walls are constantly built not to keep people away from me, but to see if anyone care to break it down. I'm constantly bothered by the thought of my friends leaving me, but is anyone afraid of losing me? I highly doubt so. I try... i tried ... so hard... and it's time to give up.
Life and holidays has definitely taken a toll on me .
On the side note, I have the liberty to block & delete you. Which i just did as it feels pretty good doing so . Since we're not seeing each other anymore, this marks the day you're out of my life, bye ! So, one less problem in my life.

I stared at the computer screen for a long time as a thousand thoughts careened around my head , squabbling , acknowledging , denying. All together they sums up to nothing. Nothing but questions that starts with 'what if' . ' What if our high school memories were built on a fantasy that never existed?' 'What if i knew what would i become?' 'What if...?' The regrets I have throughout high school stack up high, like a long list of things never to be relived again . Soon, these memories will halt to an end . I figured out , someday , things that matter the most to me now would be compared to nothing , nothing but history. Someday , i'll look back and say 'How foolish i was back then!' Someday , that day would come.

"I might lose my mind for awhile but it's gonna be fine, have you heard there's this thing that heals and it's called time? Clock can tick away and happiness will fall in place" ; Turn it up, Pixie Lott

For now, bye high school and am pretty glad i went through this phrase of life, alive :) Au revoir'

For now, i don't see the necessity to do anything else apart from curling under my blanket , like a contented child trying to get a glimpse of sleep. SPM's been much of a drag , it's to no end and i swear it drains more than energy itself. I literally have to squeeze my brain juice just to make something up to fill in the gap between words. Thank God that it's ending in a week's time , i'm pretty sure i can't uphold anymore torturous moments like these and it's really hard to act briskly when all i wanna do is fall down on the floor and sleep. Not mentioning that i'm always hungry and tired even though i pretty much eat like a pig and live like one. Time to gain some composure? I guess.
And am i the only one going through such a plaintive life?!

I'm a kind person , as told by friends and family. Joke d:
Well, at least i don't go around ruthlessly killing every living thing possible. Just saying .
One of the worst thing i did was probably granting mosquitoes a swift death , without tormenting it bit by bit. E.g. dismantle it's legs or wings from its body or torso or whatsoever.
Sometimes, when i do have the free time, i would even 'escort' the mosquito out of my room without swatting it till death. Baha, how generous of me. When karma or God ever sees what i've done, i'll be able to elevate myself closer to sainthood by saving a mosquitoe's life ! Haha, just joking d: But when a group of mosquitoes decided to attack me without any apparent reasons , i'll tend to go berserk. Mosquitoes are such a menace especially when i'm in the middle of a major exam !
The joy of having those little creatures looming over me is terrific-ly terrible. Don't they ever get bored of flying around me?! So , i decided to plot my revenge on those little flying insects. But sadly, it's to no avail. My plan failed terribly cause there's too MUCH of them around. Trust me, the word much suit this situation best. They fly at the speed of light ! Okay, i'm done exaggerating . HAHA. Lesson learnt ? Don't ever provoke mosquitoes or they'll bug you till death. Bug, literally .

Confessions ,
something everyone should be scared of.
Afraid that the confession you just made would change other people's opinion towards yourself or vice versa.
It's like shedding your own pretentious mask to get people to accept who you are.
Thus, having to face criticism by fellow homosapiens .
Criticism too, come in different shapes and sizes.
Yes , I admit that i have gazillion things to confess about but I'm not that brave .
Just to step out of my comfort zone takes up more than mere courage itself.
The comfort zone that I've built up for years , the protective wall of bubbles around me.
I don't think it's worth it.

Let's just get away from the normal 'hi-bye' routine . Shall we?
Last time i checked, it was 94813943812943 years ago since my last blog post.
So i've decided to start over a new page, to turn over a new leaf , to build a new mirror image of myself, as i'm stepping into a new phase in 2 months time.

I'm finally done high school life, 5 years glided over , such surreal, mean memories, yet there's piece and parcel that i would love to cherish. I still remember the moments which i contemplated to enter my current high school, which is SMK Taman SEA(F.Y.I , It neither resembles a taman or a sea) But , being as naive as i was at the age of 12 , i decided to follow the path my 'friends' took and enrolled at that school. Speaking of those 'friends'? I've lost contact with most of them even though i see them at school, everyday. We stay a safe distance away from each other, building up invisible ,impenetrable walls. Well, maybe i did . I was running away from the truth , the truth about best friends lasting forever , turned out to be a fairy tale which never did come true. So i'll prolly come clean about it. Throughout these few years in high school, friends came and go, like a gust of wind.New faces popped up in my life from no where and got a steady role in my high school life . My form 1 life was so save and secure, everyone was too scared to cause a scene , or to cause trouble . TBH, the worst thing i did in form 1 was going to a cyber cafe. How bad could that be , right? And soon, i was used to the ups and down of it.High school's definitely a life changing process most people would've to undergo.Throughout high school, i'm pretty glad cause i had my fair share of friends and attention.Yes, attention. High school taught me how to be an attention whore ; how to stir up an unnecessary fight ; how to treat people you dislike coldly ; how to betray someone's trust ; how to care about how people think about me ; how to be judgmental . Those were some of the bad traits which i picked up throughout my high school adventure, but there's always pros when there's cons. Through this metamorphosis process in life, i've learnt to stand up , to speak out , to socialize , to change into someone i didn't know. I'm much of a stranger to myself.

They say high school life is a phase that you would find out who you are , what you gonna be.But i don't seem to like my new self.
Could i ask for a refund ?